Stairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light districtuntil he passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: "TheHooker With Three Breasts...". The man get's just a littleinterested and thinks "well... that could be a once in a lifetimeexperience". So he goes in and walks up to the man behind thecounter. "I'd like to see the hooker with the three breasts" hesays."Are you sure you can afford that... It'll cost you a thousanddollars" the pimp replies. But, the man is too exited, pull's hiswallet and pays him the money. So, he's taken up three stairs to alittle room in the back of the house and when he opens the room...there she is. The room is dark but as he comes closer he sees it...three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of his life.The next day the man walks past that same whorehouse and thinking ofthe night before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimpanother thousand dollars. Again, he goes up three more...

These are things that people actually said in court, word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out more...

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house, exclaiming,
"Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't
button me pants."
"Oh, Angus...I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if
Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling
and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door
with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
The little lady looks at him and says "My God, what in hell's name happened
to you? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did.
Everything was goin fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee
thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."

This is Army policy all begins...

Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.

Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it.

Now, turn off the cold water.

Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous more...

Vacation time was suntan time as far as Joan, an admirably proportioned secretary, was concerned, and she spent almost all of her day on the roof of her hotel sopping up the warm sun's rays. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so pulling a towel over her derriere, she continued to recline as before.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hotel Plaza doesn't mind your sunning on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing your bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather coolly. "No one can see me up here and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the more...

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his fathers annoyance. Teddy, he called, how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being. There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. Thats better, said his father. Now will you always come down stairs like that? Suits me, said Teddy. I slid down the bannister.

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was more...