Spend Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish." The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want the m both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the more...

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON...You get three meals a day. AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON...You get your own toilet. AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.IN PRISON...You spend most more...

In Prison:
You spend your time in an 8 x 10 cell
At Work:
You spend your time in an 6 x 8 cubicle
In Prison:
You get three free meals a day
At Work:
You get one break for a meal you pay for
In Prison:
A guard locks and unlocks all doors for you
At Work:
You carry a security card, you unlock the doors
In Prison:
You get to watch TV and play games
At Work:
You get fired for watching TV and playing games
In Prison:
You get your own toilet
At Work:
You have to share
In Prison:
Family and friends are allowed to visit
At Work:
You're not allowed to speak to family or friends
In Prison:
Expenses are paid by taxpayers and work is not required
At Work:
You pay to go to work and you get to deduct expenses
on your taxes to pay for prisoners
In Prison:
You look through the bars, hoping to get out
At Work:
You want to get out so you can go inside the bars
In more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: Bob, Dave, and Seth. A little confused at their present situation, they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Bob, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Bob was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Dave, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Dave, like Bob, was whisked off.
Seth, now alone, felt more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3`4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7` tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked more...