Spelling Jokes / Recent Jokes

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troub lesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are more...

Agatha's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words.
From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does fgrpl spell?"
"Nothing," Agatha said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does doeb spell?"
"Nothing," Agatha answered.
This went on for several weeks.
Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does lmdz spell?"
Agatha smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell 'Nothing'!"

There once was a boy who needed four spelling words so he asked his mother who said shut up,
then he asked his brother who said yeah, yeah, yeah, he asked his sister who said lollipop,
lollipop....., he asked his dad who was watching politics and he sa id Bill Clinton. Then when his
teacher asked him for his spelling words he said shut up and she said you're going to the principal's
office young man and he said yeah, yeah, yeah. So he went. The principal chewed him out and said
what do you think you deserve? He said lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli-lollipop, then the principal said
who do you think you are? He said Bill Clinton.
Heard from a friend.

What question must always be answered, "Yes"?"What does Y-E-S spell?"

rk Twain's plan for the improvement of spelling

My `Spelling Checker'
Now I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks I can knot sea
 
I ran this poem threw it
Your sure reel glad two know
It's vary polished in it's weigh
My checker tolled me sew
 
This checker is a bless sing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me right awl stiles to read
And aides me when eye rime
 
Each frays come posed up on my screen
I trussed to be a joule
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule
 
Now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare
Their are no faults within my cite
Of none eye am a wear
 
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud
And me must do the best we can
Sew flaws are knot aloud
 
Sew ewe can see why I do prays
Such soft ware for pea seas
And why I brake in two more...

One day on a train, there were two small boys and a middle aged lady. She sat reading her book but couldn't help overhearing the two small boys having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling. "It would be spelt 'W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B'," the first boy argued.
"No its not! It's spelt 'W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'," retorted the other.
The lady leaned over unable to keep to herself and said, "Excuse me boys, but I think you'll find the word is spelled 'W-O-M-B'."
The first little boy looked at the other, and then back at the lady, and replied,
"You know lady, I bet you've never even seen a hippopotamus, let alone ever heard one fart underwater!"