Soviet Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Margaret Thatcher joke

    Hot 8 years ago

    Here's a joke my uncle told me:
    Through some cosmic fluke, Reagan, Thatcher, and Gorbachev all died on
    the same day. Off they went to the gates of Heaven. Peter, seeing that
    these were all VIPs, sent them straight off to the Almighty.
    God, sitting on his throne, called up Reagan.
    "Ronald, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
    "I tried to improve the US economy," replied Reagan, "and I did my best to
    benefit the nation."
    "Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my right hand."
    And so Reagan sat at his right.
    God then called up Gorbachev.
    "Mikhail, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
    "I tried to make Soviet society more open," replied Gorbachev, "and I did
    my best to improve the Soviet economy."
    "Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my left hand."
    And so Gorbachev sat at his left.
    God then called up more...

    Orchestra joke

    Hot 5 years ago

    Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
    A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

    58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
    (collected by journalists)
    1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
    4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
    5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
    6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
    7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
    9. Stud Tires Out
    10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
    11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
    13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
    14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
    15. Eye Drops off Shelf
    16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
    18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
    19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
    20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
    21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
    22. Miners Refuse to more...

    Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
    Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
    Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
    Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
    Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
    Farmer Bill Dies In House
    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
    Stud Tires Out
    Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
    Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
    Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
    British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
    Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
    Eye Drops Off Shelf
    Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
    Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
    Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
    Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
    Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
    Miners Refuse to Work After Death
    Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
    Stolen Painting Found By Tree
    Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
    Two more...

    Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Three. One to force the bulb in with a hammer, one to steal more bulbs, one to ask NYANA for a bigger hammer.

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