Soup Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal. The old man replies, in a thick acccent, "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay. "Wass goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.
The manager is now obsessed with more...

You: Waiter. Waiter!!! I have a problem.Waiter: Yes sir. Before I can help you with your problem I need to get your zip code, phone number, and birth date.
....
Ok great thankyou. So what is the problem? You: Well there is a dead bee in the soup that you brought me.Waiter: Will you please leave our restaurant, and come back in? Then the dead bee might have disappeared.You: No I've tried that but it didn't work.Waiter: Well maybe there is something wrong with how you handled the soup? Please try using the fork.You: Well it doesn't matter if I used the fork, there is still a dead bee in my soup. Are you going to bring me another soup? Waiter: Before we can do that, I must check to see if your plate is compatible to the bowl. That might have caused the dead bee to appear in your bowl.
....
Waiter: Ok it does look compatible. Can you please tell me exactly what you where doing before you realized that there was a bee in the soup.You: Sigh, just forget it. I'll just take more...

A woman, completely fed up with her husbands AOL obsession finally takes matter into her own hands.
One night as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full length fur coat and she posts herself between her husband and his monitor.
She pulls open the jacket and yells, "Time for Super Sex"!!!.
He ignores her. So, she repeatedly yells, "Super Sex" "Super Sex" "Super Sex".
Finally, he replies, "Ok, I'll take the soup."

On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the more...

There is a fammily of 6. The dad goes out one day to hunt when he gets home he puts the b b's from the gun on the counter. The wife knocked the b b's into a soup that she has ben working on for houres. She said "O WHAT THE HELL WATS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN." So the family eats the soup. The next day the yongest dauter comes running down the satirs."momey Momey youl never gues what happend i went to the bath room and peed b b's". The mother said go back up and il help you in a sec. yhis happend with here other two dauters. Then her son came down,"mom youl never guess what happened the mom sad yo peed bh b's right. the son said "NO I WAS JERKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG."

Patron: Waiter!Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?Patron: There's a fly in my soup!Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.Patron: No, it's still there.Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?Patron: A SOUP bowl!Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the more...

An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."