Soon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Many, many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be,
This widow had a daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mom.
And it surely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my more...

New Corporate Buzz Words for the 90`s

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn`t work out obsessively.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, and then leaves.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation`s answer to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people`s heads pop up over the walls to see what`s going on.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for more...

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a daughter
Who had gorgeous hair of red,
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life,
For daughter was my mother
Since she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters more
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad,
And so became my uncle,
Though this made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother,
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run,
And he became my grandson
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mom
And it surely makes me blue,
Because, although she is my more...

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like' chalk' or' pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English, these words were of neutral gender.

Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:


1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your more...

As soon as most women have a drink or two, they start looking for a chaser.

GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobile gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, more...

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags
Detroit-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market
down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win
airbag contest Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in
all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president
of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997
sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag
Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super
Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car more...