Soon Jokes / Recent Jokes
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk. Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth. War not determine who right, war determine who left. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it. Man who drive like hell bound to get there. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man who fishes in other man's well often catches more...
A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hookersays, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that'sfor a hand job." "$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the manexclaimed. " No hand job in the world could be worth $500!" The hookersummons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below. "See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I cando with my hands." Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 andsure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexualexperience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "Godthat was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?" "$2500," the hooker replied. "$2500 for a blowjob?" Cried the more...
The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has
encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed
to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent more...
Computers are Like Men... In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Computers are Like Women... No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it''''s wrong.
A seven year old boy goes to the hospital with his grandmother to visit his grandfather.
When they arrive, Johnny runs ahead of his granny, and bursts into his grandfather's room.
"Grandpa", the boy says, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make the sounds of a frog,"
"What for?" asked his Grandpa.
"Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disney World"
A farmer had three sons. One day his oldest came to him and said that since he was graduating from high school, he would really like to get a car. His father said, "Son, come here." He took him to the barn and pointed to the tractor and said, "This tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car". The boy was not too happy, but was understanding. A week later, his second son approached him wanting a motorcycle." Well", the father said, "as soon as the tractor is paid for we'll see about getting you your scooter." Shortly after, his youngest was bugging him for a bike. Again, the father gave him the lecture about the tractor needing to be paid off first. While leaving the barn, the young boy, a little disgusted with his father's explanation, saw the farm rooster doing it's rooster duty with one of the hens. He promptly went over and kicked the rooster off the hen's back, mumbling to himself. His dad more...
Farmer Jones was the most negative man in the world. Farmer Smith was his next door neighbor and a very happy fellow.
"Ain't it a beautiful day?" Farmer Smith would smile
"Huh! " replied Farmer Jones "If it don't rain soon the corns going to burn"
Nest day: "Aint' it nice it's raining?" asked Farmer Smith
"Huh! If it don't stop soon the corn's going to drown" replied Farmer Jones.
One thing the two had in common was their love of duck hunting. They would compete vigoursly every and took pride in their hunting dogs. Yes, every year Farmer Jones proved to be the best man with the best dogs.
Then, one year, Farmer Smith got the best hunting dog he had ever come across.
"Just wait until Farmer Jones sees this-he's gotta say something positive"
And so they went duck hunting. As luck would have it, a flock of ducks flew overhead, Farmer Smith took a shot and a duck dropped right in the middle of the more...