Son Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple were celebrating the birth of their first child, a son. After the party was over, the husband spoke to his wife:' My dear, I have a very modern outlook on the size of a family. I think one son is good enough for us. So if you don't mind, I would like to undergo a vasectomy. What do you think?'
'Do as you wish,' replied the wife coyly.' You have your vasectomy now, I'll have my hysterectomy after I have had the third child.'

Minister: Hi Son! How Are Your Studies Going?
Son: Fine Dad, But I Have A History Paper Tomorrow And I Haven't Studied A Thing
Minister: Okay, I Shall Have A Bandh Declared Right Away.

BRAIN - SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered.
CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report!
NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up loud music.
CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep!
NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it's "The Last Train to Clarksville."
CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction.
CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on.
NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness... darkness... Wait, there's a
woman sleeping there.
CENTRAL: A woman?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station wants to know if it is Anna Kournikova.
CENTRAL: Forget about Libido. What can you tell me?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Memory reports a near perfect match to "wife," sir.
CENTRAL: Well of course. Keep looking.
NUMBER ONE: Sir, urgent report from Stomach on the horn, do you want to take it?
CENTRAL: Stomach, what's going on?
STOMACH: Sir, we've taken a more...

& The farmer`s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken`s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The more...

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.

"Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.

"You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape."

"I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. more...

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says,? I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I?m sick of her, and I?m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,? and then hangs up. The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news. She calls her father and yells,? You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don?t do a single thing, do you hear me?? The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says,? It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they?re paying their own way!?