Soda Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into thecoke machine at a large Vegas casino. She keptpunching the buttons only to have happen what you'dexpect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other, and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so wentand got more. Back at it she went, blocking the wayto the other vending machines with the mounting pileof soda. All kinds. It didn't seem to matter to theyoung lady. People were starting to gather, seeing this beautifulwoman enthusiastically plugging money in like it wasfun. The people were gathering more though waiting theirturn at the machines. After watching a while, someone asked from the rear ofthe group, 'Hey, how much soda does one blonde need?' 'Hey back off, buddy,' she retorts, 'can't you see I'mwinning here?'

A man whose son was crushed to death by a soda vending machine has filed a $500,000 wrongful-death lawsuit against the company that manufactured the machine. The 27-year-old man apparently rocked the machine, which fell, pinning him against a wall and crushing his chest.
The father decided to sue after learning that his son's death was not an isolated incident. "The penalty for jiggling a machine to get a quarter out or a free Coke shouldn't be death," said the man's lawyer. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission found that between 1978 and 1995, at least 37 deaths and 113 injuries resulted from falling vending machines, which can weigh 1,000 pounds.

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds during the course of the day.
BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice of whole wheat toast
8 oz. low fat or skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of Oreos in pack
2 pints Haagen Daz ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese large sausage & cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't more...

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

A BLOND WALKES INTO A BAR AND ASKED FOR A SADA CLUB
THE BARTENDER ASKES DONT YOU MEAN A CLUB SODA?
AND THE BLOND SAYS NO I WANT A SODA CLUB TO HIT THAT MAN OVER THERE
SO THE BARTENDER ASKES WHY?
AND THE BLOND SAYS HE OWES ME 5,000.00 DOLLERS
AND THE BARTENDER AGAIN ASKS WHY?
SO THE BLOND SAYS THAY WERE PLAYING HID AN GO SEEK AND HE DIDENT FIND HER AND THE BET WAS IF HE DIDENT FINED ME I WOULD GIT THE MONNEY.

A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into thecoke machine at a large Vegas casino. She keptpunching the buttons only to have happen what you'dexpect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other, and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so wentand got more. Back at it she went, blocking the wayto the other vending machines with the mounting pileof soda. All kinds. It didn't seem to matter to theyoung lady. People were starting to gather, seeing this beautifulwoman enthusiastically plugging money in like it wasfun. The people were gathering more though waiting theirturn at the machines. After watching a while, someone asked from the rear ofthe group,' Hey, how much soda does one blonde need?'' Hey back off, buddy,' she retorts,' can't you see I'mwinning here?'

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"