Snack Jokes

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    To All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn't a problem.What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting. Attached: Extended Job Code ListCode Number Explanation
    --- 5316 Useless Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at more...

    Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
    DAY ONE
    Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
    Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
    Dinner: Catch more...

    3 guys got stranded in the jungle and had no food. then they were found by 4 cannibals who then took the 3 men to there king.so the king says to them " you 3 men go out into the jungle and bring back 10 of the same fruit but you cant all have the same." so one of the men came back with apples and the king told him that if he could shove all of the apples up his arse without an expression on his face he would let him go. so the man got to 3 apples and screamed out in pain so the king had a little snack and ate him. another one of the 3 men came back with cherries and the king told him the same thing. so the man got to 9 cheries and burst out into laughter . so the king then decided to have another little snack and eat him. these 2 men then met in heaven and ther man who died 1st said "why did you start laughing you could have made it out of there alive ?" the other man said "i couldnt help it i turned round and saw the other guy coming up with pineapples more...

    Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!

    Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for 4 days and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

    DAY ONE

    Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

    Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

    Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to more...

    TO: ALL PERSONNEL
    FROM: ACCOUNTING
    It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.
    Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
    The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
    Thank you,
    Accounting
    Attached: Extended Job-Code List
    Code and Explanation
    5316 Useless Meeting
    5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
    5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
    5319 Waiting for Break
    5320 Waiting for Lunch
    5321 Waiting for End of Day
    5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed more...

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