Smoking Jokes / Recent Jokes

PLEASE DON'T SMOKE IN MY OFFICE!
I enjoy sex more than you enjoy smoking but you don't see me screwing in your office.

Experiencing problems with his computer, an incognizant user called technical support for assistance...
Technician: Good morning. How may I help you?
Customer: There's smoke coming from my computer's power supply.
Technician: Sounds like you need a new power supply.
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. It needs to be replaced.
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just have to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command.
For the next several minutes, despite the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded...
Technician: I'm sorry. Normally we don't tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer: Aha! I knew it!
Technician: Add the more...

A guy's walking down the street and sees Dirty Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."
Johnny looks up and doesn't say anything.
The guy says, "How old are you?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The guy says, "Six? When did you start smoking?"
Johnny says, "Right after the first time I got laid."
The guy says, "Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?"
Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk."

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A dime bag of Panama Red
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the forth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six joints a smoking
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven cubes of more...

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey more...

Dear Santa: We're worried about you.
From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts. The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Ill.
Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry."
Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still, rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion - all things you may encounter this time of year. The one bright note in Litt's message is that certain more...

Dear Santa: We're worried about you.From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts. The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Ill.Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry."Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still, rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion - all things you may encounter this time of year. The one bright note in Litt's message is that certain antibiotics can help, more...