Smoking Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A dime bag of Panama Red
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the forth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six joints a smoking
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven cubes of crack
Six joints a more...

Three men are sitting in a room smoking cannabis. After a few spliffs they run out of gear. One of the men stands up and says, "Look, we've got loads more tobacco, I'll just nip into the kitchen and make one of my speciality spliffs." Off he goes into the kitchen where he takes some cumin, turmeric and a couple of other spices from the spice rack, grinds them up and rolls them into a spliff. On his return he hands it to one of his smoking partners who lights it and takes a long drag. Within seconds he passes out. Ten minutes go by and he's still out cold, so they decide to take him to hospital. On arrival he is wheeled into intensive care. The doctor returns to his friends and asks, "So what was he smoking then? Cannabis?" "Well sort of," replies one of the guys, "but we ran out of gear, so I made a home-made spliff." "Oh," replies the doctor, "what did you put in it?" "Um, a bit of cumin, some turmeric, and a couple of more...

Case Report: Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no. 1, December 1998
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M. D.
On January 2, 1998, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out. The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember. Upon examination and ascertaining more...

The film of Marilyn smoking a doobie and her sex tape from last year could have ruined her career at the time. Today, it can boost a career! In fact, In publicity-hungry Hollywood, the bar seems to be moving higher. Higher than, from the looks of that video, Marilyn Monroe. Where will it stop? I'll bet somewhere, some day, in some fancy restaurant, some agent will exclaim... " I know! How about a donkey act?!"

Their was this monkey in a tree smoking pot this lizard came by and said monkey what are you doing the monkey replied hey man im smoking a doobie so the lizard ask for a hit and he did after he was really thirsty so he went to the river to get a drink and fell head first in the river a crocadile saw him and swam over to the lizard the lizard told him about the monkey in the tree so the croc goes over to the monkey and says hey monkey what are you doing up their and the monkey replies DAMN how much water did you drink?

A man was riding his Segway and some big 'macho' guy with a really ditsy girl hanging off his arm stopped him. The man put his cigarette in his mouth (the cool way, you know, with thumb & forefinger), took a deep breath in and said, "You're gonna get fat." So, Segway owner put his thumb and forefinger up to his mouth, took a deep breath, and replied with, "You're gonna get cancer." Macho guy stared at Segway owner with a 'how dare you' type of look while his girl had more of a confused 'I don't get it' type of face. Segway owner just smiled and rode off. :)