Slot Jokes / Recent Jokes
Las Vegas means "the meadows" in Spanish.
In Nevada, there are more than 209,000 slot machines normally operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
The first neon sign appeared in Las Vegas in 1954 at the Boulder Club.
The bell is the oldest symbol still used on today's slot machines.
The average annual temperature in Las Vegas is 66 degrees.
It would take 288 years for one person to spend one night in every hotel room in Las Vegas.
Shrimp consumption in Las Vegas is more than 60,000 pounds a day. That's higher than the rest of the country combined and adds up to 22 million pounds per year.
The Stardust was the first hotel in Vegas to add a sports book to its casino.
Nickel slots on the Strip pay back anywhere from 86.9 percent to 92.8 percent of what they take in.
Las Vegas casinos never use dice with rounded corners.
It's estimated that every day Las Vegas casinos more...
A chap had a very painful elbow. He went to see his own
doctor, who told him to rest it: no treatment was required, it
was just tennis elbow.
Rather dissatisfied, he decided to go to a new computer-based
medical service that had just opened up. He went inside the
building and found the terminal, but there were no people in
sight. The instructions told him to slide his credit card
through the slot, and that $150 would be debited. When he had
done this, he was asked screen after screen of questions about
himself, until eventually a specimen bottle appeared. The
instructions on the screen said, "Produce urine specimen and
pour into slot on left," so he did. A few seconds later, the
screen read:
Diagnosis: Tennis elbow
Treatment: Rest
Well, he wasn't happy. $150 wasted just to be told the same
thing again. He thinks, "I'm going to confuse the hell out of
that smug machine." He went home, took a bottle more...
Having her hair done at a West Hempstead beauty parlor, a woman told a cautionary tale about racial prejudice. The story deserves a wider audience.
On a recent weekend in Atlantic City the woman related, she won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slot for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she would stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator bank.
As she was about to walk into an elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big. Very big. An intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen, even if one of them is awfully black. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt more...
Things You Don't Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness
"Let me ask your opinion, nurse..."
"Has anyone ever seen one of THESE?"
"What do you mean, "It's upside down"?"
"This is what happens when cousins marry."
"You think we can sew it back on?"
"Is that SUPPOSED to be yellow?"
"What does the AMA know; I still think I can do it."
"Wow. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night."
"Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?"
"They never let us practice on REAL people in Med school."
"Don't worry, he'll never know; he's out."