Slap Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after they are born?
A: It knocks the penises off of the dumb ones.

A Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap.
When the subway car's lights come back on, Pamela Anderson and the Met fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Yankee fan is holding his slapped face.
The Yankee fan is thinking, "That Met fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead."
Pamela is thinking, "That Yankee fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Met fan, and got slapped for it."
And the Met fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the subway car's lights go out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that @!#%!! Yankee fan again."

A general and a private are going to a city. At the next stop, a lady and her teenage daughter get on and sit down in the same cabin as the general and the private.
They ride along and they get to a tunnel. The cabin is completely dark. This is what is heard: a kiss and then a slap.
The mother thinks: That rude private kissed my daughter, but she showed him.
The daughter thinks: That old nasty general kissed me, but my mother slapped him.
The general thinks: Sombody hit me.
The private thinks: I am pretty smart. I kiss the girl, and got to slap the general.

When is the only polite time to slap a midget? When he says, "Gee, your hair smells terrific."

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed.
Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking: These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking: Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking: Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking: If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks." Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The General manager is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I'm glad the guy more...

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees
Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people
bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man
replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese your all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It
was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese man, replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same."