Similarity Jokes / Recent Jokes

Similarity between male organ and shaving gel can:

Shaving gel can:
Warning: contents under pressure.
Do not puncture or incinerate.
Do not store
At temperature above 120 degrees f as container may burst.
Avoid extreme Cold.
Use only as directed. Keep out of reach of children.

Guys thing:
Warning contents under pressure.
Do not puncture or cut off!!!!!
Do not store At temperature above 98.6 degrees f as container may have trouble bursting.
Avoid extreme cold.
Use only as directed.
No jailbait allowed.

Top ten way *I'm* spending this valentine's day.
10. Watching "Fatal Attraction" over and over to remind me what I'm not
missing.
9. Trying to decide how much to pay for sex... $20, $50, $200, the rest of
my life?
8. Wondering if the Asian mail order woman company really has a money-back
guarantee.
7. Calling all the women I've gone out with in the last year, and asking them
if they enjoyed my wedding presents.
6. Renting the Jocelyn Elders workout video.
5. Waiting until tomorrow when I can buy all the really cheap chocolate, then
eating like a pig.
4. Taking my significant other, Candy, to be patched at the local bicycle
repair shop.
3. Compaigning for a law banning the following phrases:
Can't we just be friends?
I think of you as a brother. (sister)
I mean *sleep* together.
You'd like him - he's a lot like you.
My boyfriend (girlfriend) and i got back together.
Sure, I'll go out with you.. more...

Q: What is the similarity between a viola joke and premature ejaculation?
A: You know it's coming and there is not a damn thing that you can do to stop it.

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: What is the similarity between lightning and a violist's fingers?
A: They both never strike the same place twice.

Q: What do a tornado, a hurricane and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to loose a house trailer.

What is the similarity between a smart blond, Santa and the tooth fairy?
They are all make believe.