Shy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Aries

The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

Taurus

The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

A few guppies short of an aquarium. A few inches short of a foot/yard. A few kernels short of an ear. A few kopeks short of a ruble. A few links shy of a chain. A few measures short of a staff. A few open splices. A few peas short of a pod/casserole. A few pickles short of a jar. A few pies short of a holiday. A few planes short of an Air Force / hangar. A few points short of a polygon. A few revisions behind. A few sandwiches/apples/ants short of a picnic. A few screws loose. A few shrimps short of a barbie. A few spoons short of a full set. A few straws shy of a bale. A few tiles missing from his space shuttle. A few tiles short of a successful re-entry. A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree. A few volts below threshold. A few yards short of the hole. A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and... What was the question? A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he'd have to give up chewing gum. A more...

$HOME = /dev/null. 3K RAM free, no EMS. A. 22 caliber intellect in a. 357 Magnum world. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3. 5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. A few beans short of chili. A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case. A few birds shy of a flock. A few blocks short of a filesystem. A few bombs/melons short of a full load. A few bricks short of a wall / hod / load / pile. A few chips short of a cookie. A few clowns short of a circus. A few clues shy of a solution. A few cold solder joints. A few ears short of a bushel. A few feathers short of a more...

A few beans short of chili.
A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case.
A few birds shy of a flock.
A few blocks short of a filesystem.
A few bombs/melons short of a full load.
A few bricks short of a wall / hod / load / pile.
A few chips short of a cookie.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few clues shy of a solution.
A few cold solder joints.
A few ears short of a bushel.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few few cylinders short of a full re-format.
A few fish short of a string.
A few french fries / one hamburger short of a Happy Meal.