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One day the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh, yeah," said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
"We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve more...

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the man replied."Hows it work?" the friend asked."Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! Its two AM!"

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building."Your workers, theyre escaping!" cries the visitor. "Youve got to stop them.""Dont worry, theyll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one oclock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?""Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Microsoft has just released it's update to TimeTraveller 1. 0 (TM), the popular computer application that turns Pentium-based PCs into time machines.
The first version of TimeTraveller, Microsoft now concedes, was not without problems. Unhappy users from around the world flooded the support line with calls. "My son was trying to go back a week earlier to do his history final a second time," one unhappy father from Johannesburg reportedly complained, "and he ended smack dab in the middle of the Boer War. What key do I push do get him back?" A caller from Bristol grumbled that his wife had got stuck a few hours in the past. "Me an' the missus can't agree on tea-time anymore," he grumbled, "an' she throws out the Guardian before it even arrives. "
TimeTraveller 1. 02 addresses the glitches that plagued the first release. The legions of women who lost technogeek partners to distant eras have been promised complementary copies of Widows' more...

The big game hunter was showing his friends his hunting trophies. Drawing their attention to a lion skin rug on the floor he said, "I shot this fellow in Africa. Didnt want to kill such a magnificent beast, of course, but it was either him or me." "Well," said a guest, "he certainly makes a much better rug than you would!"