Shoot Jokes / Recent Jokes

CHUCKLE ONE ~
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate
with orders to let no car enter unless it displayed
a special sticker.
A long, black car drove up carrying a general.
"Halt, who goes there?" Challenged the sentry.
The chauffeur, a corporal, replied, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry," the sentry said. "I can't let you through
without a special sticker on your vehicle."
The general ordered the corporal to drive on.
"Halt!" The sentry shouted. "You really cannot
drive through without a sticker. I have orders
to shoot, if you persist in trying to drive. "
"I'm telling you, corporal," the general repeated.
"DRIVE ON!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window, and
leaned forward to address the general.
Sir! I'm new at this." He said. "Do I shoot you
or the driver?"

~ CHUCKLE TWO more...

An American, French, and Polock decide to all go elk hunting together. They all decide it’s better to go out separately. So the first day the American goes out and comes back with a moderately big elk.
The other two want to know how he scored it, so the American says, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I shoot and elk. ”
So the next day the French man goes out and comes back with an even bigger elk than the American. Impressed the other two ask him how he got it.
So the French guy, in a thick accent, says, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I shoot and elk. ”
So the next day the Polock goes out and not long after he comes back bleeding and scratched up.
So the other two ask, “What the hell happened to you!?! ”
The Polock replies, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I get hit by a train. ”

A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun." Can I help you sir?, asked the shopkeeper". Ah, yes... I want to buy a. 44 Magnum please. The shopkeeper informs the man that the. 44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for. The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"What? Cans! You don't need a. 44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper. The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang. 44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.(Dumb Laws - California)

1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.

2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

3. Don't say you understand when you don't.

4. Girls are petty; get over it.

5. You don't have PMS; don't even act like you know what it's like.

6. If you talk about having a big one; we know you don't.

7. Size really does matter.

8. We don't like it when you *act* like Mr. Big; we like it when you *are* Mr.Big.

9. A stereo system in your car only impresses your buddies.

10. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.

11. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

12. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.

13. Fashion police do exist.

14. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.

16. We don't shave our more...

A Belgian met a Dutch friend, who was driving a Rolls Royce and spending money like water.
' How did you het so rich?' the Belgian asked.
' I went to Canada, to shoot bears. The fur coats are very expensive.'
' How do you go about shooting bears?'
' It's very simple. You should go there in winter. When you enter a cave you will find a bear. Since it is in hybernation, it is very easy to shoot it.'
Three months later they meet again. This time the Belgian is entirely wrapped in bandages.
' What has happened to you?'
' Well' the Belgian replies:' I went to Canada, I entered a cave with my gun, and then suddenly... the train came'.

You think that some day you'll shoot your age, when a more realistic goal would be to shoot your weight! You know there's more to life than golf, but your'e not interested in finding out what it is!