Shoot Jokes / Recent Jokes

Lawyer: “Now, would you please tell the Jury the truth. Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?”Defendant: “I didn't want to wake up the children.”

Moishe the Cowboy
In the early 1800`s, Moishe had to go to Omaha on business.
He went to the stagecoach office and asked, "How much ah teeket to Omaha?" The clerk responded, "five dollars". "Too much!" he complained. "Anyvay, I ain`t got $5, I only got $2, so dere!". "Well you ain`t goin ta Omaha for $2, so forget it!" said the clerk. "Liss`n, I got ta get ta Omaha. I got vely imput`n buiness dere. Pliess! Maybe you could do sumtink for me?" "I`ll tell you what I can do," said the clerk. "We need somebody to ride shotgun. Gimme the $2 and you could ride shotgun." "Vutaya talkin` ride shotgun? I need ta ride on da stegecoych!" said Moishe.
"No, No! You don`t understand!" said the clerk. "You ride up on the top with the driver. You hold this rifle and if you see any Indians, you shoot `em."
"Vut you talkin` shoot Indians? I ain`t never shot no more...

Q:Why do women like hunters?
A:They go deep into the bush they shoot twice and they eat what they shoot.

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when arobber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells tothe bartender,"This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!" The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!" "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!" The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it backto the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friendsmight walk in!"

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting in a war and were captured by the enemy.
"Before we put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," said the Alabaman. "Could you play 'Yeah, Alabama' before you shoot me?"
"Sure," said the enemy. "How about you, Tennessean?"
"Could you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabama?'"

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting in a war, and both were caught by the enemy. "Before i put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?" The Alabama man said, "Could you shoot me after you play the song 'Yeah, Alabama?"
"Sure," the man agreed. "How about you?"
The Tennessee man said, "COuld you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabam?"

Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find *No Trespassing* signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, I've hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here."
The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "I'll make you a deal. We've got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we've grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I'll let you hunt on my property."
Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. "That old bastard won't let us hunt on his property," he tells him. "I'm going to shoot his cow!"
He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM! Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him, and his friend runs up, yelling, more...