Shoot Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two
old friends were just about to tee off at the first
hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying
a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if
I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the
company of the newcomer. Part way around the course,
one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What
do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his
golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's
rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are
my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight,"
said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I
think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the more...

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations Friendly fire - isn't. Recoilless rifles - aren't. Suppressive fires - won't. You are not Superman Marines and fighter pilots take note. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. Try to look unimportant the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready + when you're not. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact. There is no such thing as a perfect plan. Five second fuzes always burn three seconds. There is more...

Q: Why do hunters make the best lovers?
A: Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

There are 3 hunters in the woods, they're all telling each other what they're are going to shoot. The first one says he's going to get a buck. So he goes out and comes back with a buck. Then the other 2 hunters ask how he did it and he says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks I get buck''. So the second hunter says "I'm gonna get a doe." So he goes out and comes back with a doe. Then the 3rd hunter asks him how he did it. The 2nd hunter says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks I get doe''. So the 3rd hunter says, ''I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see''. So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten bruised bloody and totally trashed. And the other two hunters ask what happened and he says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!''

Civil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN... The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent to a Richmond Prison where a Confederate entrepreneur put him on exhibit. Even Confederate President Jeff Davis came to see him and was astounded when the impish Van Buskirk claimed that back home in Bloomington Indiana, "when I was at the train station with my company, my six sisters came to say goodbye. As I was standing there, with my company, they all came up to me, leaned down and kissed me on top of the head." LETTER HOME... A young soldier left home to join the army. He told his girl friend that he would write every day. After about six months, he received a letter from his girlfriend that she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family to find out who she more...

Good evening my fellow Americans. First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and all Americans that are hurting in this tragic time. You can rest assured that anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our country will be done. This is the greatest country in the world and we will get through this trying time. Now is the time for all people to set aside our petty differences and show the world that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of the American people. To the people responsible for Tuesday`s tragedy, I say this: Are you fucking kidding me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped too tight? Have you gone too long without a bath? Do you not know who you are fucking with? Americans are so hungry to kill, that we shoot at each other every day. We will relish that opportunity for new targets for our aggression. Have you forgotten history? What happened to the last people that started fucking around with us? Remember the little yellow more...

There were three woman which were gonna be executed. One was a blonde, one a brunette, and one a redhead.
They were outside all three of them and it was the brunettes turn to be executed. Just as they were aboout to shoot her she pointed behind the executers and yelled TORNADO. The executers looked behind them and the brunette escaped.
Now it was the redheads turn to be executed and just as they were gonna shoot her she pointed behind the executers and yelled TWISTER. The executers looked behind them and the redhead escaped as well.
Finally it was the blondes turn and just about when they were gonna shoot her she pointed behind them and yelled FIRE and they shot her!!