Shield Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

    Have you ever heard of the kissing shield? No? then look at this list of crazy inventions people just like you made;
    Kissing shield
    Face bake
    Horse diaper
    Whopper wheels
    Skateboard pirate
    Light bulb changer
    Beach boots
    Remote controlled horse
    Flying bike
    Baby bottom art
    Pump power
    Dummy chicken farmer
    Airplane moisturizer
    Alarm fork
    All terrain stroller
    Aqua swing
    Baby cage
    Ball blinders
    Banana head
    BIRD CAT TRAP FEEDER
    Boob tube
    Boatless water skiing
    Hijacker detector
    And many more dumb inventions soon to come. Be watching!

    1. Cover your stump before you hump.2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat.13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis.14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.18. The right selection! Protect your erection.19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.20. A crank with armor will never harm her.21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.22. Don't make more...

    Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of thewindshields.British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like a bolt shot from a crossbow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs for the windshield, andbegged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: more...

    List Of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week
    1. Cover Your Stump Before You Hump
    2. Before You Attack Her, Wrap Your Whacker
    3. Don't Be Silly, Protect Your Willy
    4. When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout
    5. Don't Be A Loner, Cover Your Boner
    6. You Cant Go Wrong If You Shield Your Dong
    7. If You'Re Not Goin To Sack It, Go Home And Whack It
    8. If You Think She'S Spunky Cover Your Monkey
    9. If You Slip Between Her Thighs, Be Sure To Condomize
    10. It Will Be Sweeter If You Wrap Your Peter
    11. She Wont Get Sick If You Wrap Your Dick
    12. If You Go In To Heat, Package Your Meat
    13. While Your Undressing Venus, Dress Up Your Penis
    14. When You Take Off Her Pants And Blouse, Slip Up Your Trouser Mouse
    15. Especially In December, Gift Wrap Your Member
    16. Never, Never Deck Her With An Unwrapped Pecker
    17. Dont Be A Fool, Vulcanize Your Tool
    18. The Right Selection Will Protect Your Erection
    19. Wrap It In Foil more...

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