Sharp Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair,
soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar
principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in
their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward
motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's
surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of
directed-pressure explosions more...

A sharp nose points to curiosity. A flattened nose indicates too much curiosity.

The following comments are those of Bill Hall who is a syndicated humor columnist for the Lewiston Morning Tribune in Lewiston, Idaho. Consider bathing, for instance. As a general rule, middle-aged women take baths at night. The men shower each morning. The men like to go to bed dirty and go to work clean. Women prefer to go to bed clean and to work dirty. That's why men usually take their coffee breaks with other men. Women read more boring magazines than men. They read silly, pedestrian magazines filled with articles on making quilts, turning bleach bottles into stunning centerpieces, the use of orange eyeshadow and how to get men to shower before going to bed instead of before going to work. Men read sensible, intellectual journals on how to catch fish and kill little animals. When a man cooks, he keeps his knives sharp. Most female cooks don't. Indeed, most female cooks don't even own a decent kitchen knife, let alone a sharp one. Female cooks offer the excuse that they would cut more...

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.

A' C', an E-flat, and a' G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and more...

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor.Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller? A: A flat major.Q: What do you say to an army officer as you're about to run him or her over with a steam roller? A: Be flat, major.Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller? A: See flat major.Q: What key is "Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight" written in? A: C sharp or B flat.Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone? A: A sharp major.Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music? A: A natural major.Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away? A: Root position cords.

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.
Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?
A: A flat major.
Q: What do you say to an army officer as you`re about to run him or her over with a steam roller?
A: Be flat, major.
Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major.
Q: What key is "Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight" written in?
A: C sharp or B flat.
Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major.
Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.
Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won`t blow away?
A: Root position cords.