Sharp Jokes / Recent Jokes
As my elderly aunt and uncle strolled downtown one afternoon they run into their old friends. They spend some time discussing this and that when one friend asks my uncle where they has been. "We just left the office of our memory doctor"
"Memory doctor? What is that all about?"
"Well" replies my uncle "As you know we are getting up there in age, and our memory just isn't as sharp as it once was."
"Is the doctor effective?"
"Oh, yes, he's wonderful."
"Really. You know, my memory is not too sharp these days either. Maybe I'll pay him a visit. Whats his name?"
"Oh. Uh. Well." replies my uncle. "Um. You know those things that grow out of the ground?".
"You mean trees?"
"Kind of, but smaller."
"You mean a bush?"
"Yes, a bush or a plant, but. .. Um. .. You more...
The manager started his speech at 10 a.m. sharp and ended at 11 a.m. dull.
It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone's pity.It's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile. Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. Masks may not be worn in publicIt is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.It's illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.You may not drive more...
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Dept. of the Army
Regulations For Operation Of Aircraft
Commencing January 1920
1. Don't take the machine into the air unless you are satisfied it will fly.
2. Never leave the ground with the motor leaking.
3. Don't turn sharply when taxiing. Instead of turning sharp, have someone lift the tail around.
4. In taking off, look at the ground and the air.
5. Never get out of the machine with the motor running until the pilot relieving you can reach the motor controls.
6. Pilots should carry hankies in a handy place to wipe off goggles.
7. Riding on the steps, wings, or rail of the machine is prohibited.
8. In case the engine fails on takeoff, land straight ahead regardless of obstacles.
9. No machine must taxi faster than a man can walk.
10. Never run motor so that blast will blow on other machines.
11. Learn to gauge altitude, especially on landing.
12. If you see another machine near you, get out of the way.
13. No two cadets more...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. An XT clone in a Pentium zone. Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped. Answers the door when the phone rings. Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot. As bent as a corkscrew. As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb. As happy as if he had brains. As happy as the village idiot. As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.) As much use as a lead parachute. As quick as a corpse. As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.) As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart. As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest. As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script. As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly. As thick as champ. (Irish champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.) As thick as two short more...