Sexual Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Doctor," said the embarrassed man, "I seem to have a sexual problem. I don't seem to be able to get it up for my wife any more."
"I'd like you to bring your wife here with you tomorrow, Mr. Jones, and I'll see what I can do," replied the doctor.
The next day, Mr. Jones returned to the doctor's office with his wife. "Please remove all your clothes, Mrs. Jones," the doctor instructed. "Now turn all the way around and lie down. Hmmm, ok, you may put your clothes back on now."
Taking Mr. Jones aside, the doctor told him, "You're in good health, Mr. Jones, your wife didn't give me an erection either."

Toyota Motor Corp. said it has reached a settlement in a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by a female employee
The Toyota Motor North America Inc. employee had sought $190 million in damages when she filed the suit in May against her former boss, Hideaki Otaka. The parties agreed to the settlement when it became apparent that Mr. Otaka was indeed not a "black belt at bukakke" nor was he a certified "Federal Boobie Inspector."
Toyota Motor Company has also decided to drop their countersuit seeking damages for "Ribel."

Pillow talk in Missouri: Has sex been outlawed?
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) - Birds do it. Bees do it. But Missourians aren't allowed to do it, according to some interpretations of a new state law.
"I don't know what they were trying to say, but I know that what they did say seems to outlaw sex altogether," said David Foster, director of the writing lab a the University of Missouri-Kansas City.
Others disagree. One legislator says it legalizes homosexual sex and outlaws nonconsensual sex. Another says it outlaws homosexual sex and nonconsensual sex.
The law, which took effect Aug. 28, says: "A person commits the crime of sexual misconduct in the first degree if he has deviate sexual intercourse with another person of the same sex, or he purposely subjects another person to sexual contact or engages in conduct which would constitute sexual contact except that the touching occurs through the clothing without that person's consent."
Attorney Dan Viets more...

Detroit, Oregon - A hunter thought he had found a severed human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police. Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a mannequin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead.

Redondo Beach, California - After a short chase, officer Joseph Fonteno charged the driver of a white Mazda with DUI. The car had been driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he responded: "It came with the car when I bought it."

Australia - The Australian Police Journal reported that an elderly woman had already used about half of the powder in a custard packet when she discovered an object that appeared to be a large dead cockroach. However, when she brought it to the Health Department, food analysts determined it to be a dried-up human finger. The following investigation revealed that a factory worker had more...

Edward Eugene Harper accused child molester and one of the FBI's10 Most Wanted Fugitives, was apprehended Thursday inWyoming. In 1994 Harper was indicted for conspiracy tocommit sexual battery, fondling a child and sexual battery. He has been living onWyoming since 1994, working odd jobs andherding sheep. Incidentally, he is alsoon PETA’s most wanted list for committing similar crimes.

Source: United Press International

Infertile Couple Decides To Try Sex

LONDON (United Press International via COMTEX) -- A German husband and wife were sent to sex therapy after admitting to doctors at a fertility clinic that they had never made love.

The husband, 36, and his wife, 32, thought all they had to do to make a baby was to lie next to each other and something would happen, the Mirror reported Tuesday.

When nothing besides sleep happened, they saved $12, 460 and went to an in-vitro fertilization clinic
at the University of Luebeck in Germany.

"We're not talking about retards here, but a couple who were brought up in a strict religious environment who simply did not know how babies were created," said a clinic spokesman.

"It was only after they were subjected to a battery of tests and both were found to be perfectly fertile that we asked them how often they had sex.

"The more...

One monday morning in the office, a man mentions to a coworker that her hair smells nice today. The woman suddenly grows enraged, storms into her supervisor’s office, and declares loudly that she’s quitting and has decided to file a sexual harassment suit.

“Come on, ” says the supervisor. “What’s wrong with a guy saying your hair smells nice? ”

“He’s a fucking midget! ”