Seven Jokes / Recent Jokes
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.
I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North more...
A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a barone evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drinkexcept that gay guy over there"About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyonea drink except that gay guy over there"The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartenderasks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in eachcheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!"
SEVEN SOFTWARE COMPANIES ADDED TO "WATCH LIST"
New York, NJ, Nov. 11 -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today that seven more software companies have been added to the group's "watch list" of companies that regularly practice software testing.
"There is no need for software to be mistreated in this way so that companies like these can market new products," said Ken Granola, spokesperson for PETS. "Alternative methods of testing these products are available."
According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo lengthly and arduous tests, often without rest for hours or days at a time. Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means necessary, and inside sources report that they often joke about "torturing" the software.
"It's no joke," said Granola. "Innocent programs, from the day they are compiled, are cooped up in more...
On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to more...
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional more...