Scottish Jokes / Recent Jokes

How do you get a Highlander onto the roof?Tell him the drinks are on the house.

Nowadays the Scots do not play bagpipes to frighten their enemies, they do it to annoy their neighbors.

What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland?Summer!

A Scots pessimist is a man who feels badly when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels better.

A Scotsman visited London for his annual holiday and stayed at a large hotel. However, he didn't feel that the natives were friendly. "At 4 o'clock every morning," he told a friend, "they hammered on my bedroom door, one the walls, even on the floor and ceiling. Heck, sometimes they hammered so loud I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes."

Every Scotsman's fantasy is to have two women....one cleaning, the other dusting...

Two shipwrecked Scots had been hanging on for hours to an upturned boat.
Wee Hughie, realizing that he might not be able to hold our much longer, began to recount his past misdeeds, and to vow that if he escaped he would in future lead an entirely new life. Suddenly, there was a cry from his comrade in distress:" Wait, Hughie! Don't commit yourself yet - I think I see land! "