Science Fiction Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jokes to play on fellow Astronaughts when aboard the new Space station....

Break the radio and say that while everyone was sleeping there was nuclear battle and everyone is now dead.

look out the window any scream "We're being boarded!!"

Uncouple the Japanese section, and as they float away helplessly yell "That's for Pearl Harbour!!..."

Use the Canada arm to start punching the Russian space shuttle and then exclaim that "they were asking for it with all their freakin' late-night cooking smells"

Flush a crew member out the air lock and tell everyone he was an alien planning1 to kill everyone and that you saved them from being cocooned!

Lock someone outside and tell him you won't let them in until he guesses the right number between 1-million. Then tell him you were only kidding and testing his resilience under pressure, and let him in just before his air runs out.

Dump a bottle more...

1> "Hey, guys, how' bout we finish this conversation over a beer at the topless bar?"

2> "Jim Beam me up, Scotty."

3> "Dammit, Jim -- I'm a has-been actor, not an autograph-signer!"

4> "To Wong Fu, thanks for everything, Patrick Stewart."

5> "If you think the brie's good, you should try the salmon pate."

6> "Oooh, Girlfriend -- Just look at all these hunks! Set your phaser for' Love!'"

7> "You're nuts. Swimming is by far the hardest part of any Iron Man Triatholan."

8> "Look! It's Eddie Murphy!"

9> "I got laid last night!"

10> "Kirk, Picard... what's the difference, they're both losers. I'll take Will Robinson and Dr. Smith any day."

11> "I dunno, sometimes I wonder if the show was really deserving of all this attention."

12> "It's pointless to compare more...

1> Barbie Wan Kenobie's Malibu Deathstar

2> Darth Vibrader

3> "Ewok On A Stick" toilet brushes

4> Volkswagon's "Return of the Jetta"

5> Tampex Tampons, now with starfighter X-wings and lightsabre applicator

6> Darth Vader Ginsberg doll -- Black robe and goofy glasses sold separately

7> Metamucil - "May the Force run through you!"

8> McDonald's Ewok Burger Happy Meal

9> "Do you know me? Probably not, if I'm out of my Stormtrooper uniform. That's why I carry American Express."

10> Han Solo Cups

11> R2D2, C3PO & KY4U "Adult Action Figures"

12> Lando Calrissian Cognac -- 40 Parsecs of smoooooth

13> Princess Chia

14> Chewbacca Chew'n T'bacca, from Skoal

15> The "Princess LeiaMe" blow-up doll

Time-Life has been running a commercial recently hawking its book series Mysteries of the Unknown. At one point in this commercial the narrator describes an event at Stonehenge where a person' was grabbed by a terrifying unseen force and held suspended in the air.'

I don't know about you, but where I'm from, this is better known as a' wedgie.'

Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization:

Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Within one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station.

They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it:' Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently:' Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to you leader, or I will fire!'

The other alien shouted to his comrade' No, you mustn't anger him!' but before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.

There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other and said:' What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But, how did you know it was so more...

Two droids were talking.

One says to the other, "Did you beat the Wookiee at Dejarikk?"

And the other answers, "Yes, but it cost me an arm and a leg."

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Yoda and Obi-Wan walked into a bar and bought a 5 dollar drink.

Yoda, seeing that he only had 4 dollars asked Obi-Wan, "Have a dollar do you? A little short I am."