Science Jokes / Recent Jokes

Seventy Six Neutrons
(Tune, Seventy Six Trombones)

Seventy six lithe neutrons swayed on Cesium's bar,
Half a hundred and ten bold protons...

Hold it! Hold it!. That's Cesium 131. Half life only about 9. 69 days.
Let's go for immortality here. Worth a shot anyway...

Seventy Eight Neutrons
(Tune, Seventy Six Trombones)

Seventy eight lithe neutrons swayed on Cesium's bar,
Half a hundred and ten bold protons joined the press.
And the eletronettes were a-whirling in duets,
All but one, the singular miss Six S.

Seventy eight nubile neutrons writhed in close array,
Half a hundred and ten lusty protons swelled the crowd.
And the electron pairs played blue photonic airs,
From within a shining quantum cloud.

There were pions, muons, quarks and other fermions,
Tunneling, tunneling, in a state of partial dress.
' Till an oily bit of water came a wandering,
And miss more...

A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers:"I can lick any man in the place!"The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says: "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this yourfirst time in a gay bar?"

New scientific theories3rd RunnerUp- Communist China is technologically underdevelopedbecause they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet meansthe Chinese cannot use "acronyms"; thus, they cannot communicatetheir ideas at a faster rate.

New scientific theories4th RunnerUp- The earth may spin faster on its axis due todeforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increaseswhen the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of talltrees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

New scientific theoriesGRAND PRIZE WINNER: When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on itsfeet; and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS lands with the butteredside facing down. Therefore, I propose to strap buttered toast to theback of a cat. When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above theground, probably into eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replacepneumatic tires on cars and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays"could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking New York with Chicago.

It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test.

The question was "If h20 if water, what is h204?"

This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time.

Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning.

New scientific theoriesHONORABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in the Englishlanguage is absolutely constant. If consonants are omitted in onegeographic area, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks"his "cah", the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh"his car and invest in "erl wells."