Science Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to mention that he had gotten circumcised last week. "Can I see it?" asked the second gay guy.So the first guy promptly dropped his pants to show off his operation."Oooh," squealed his friend, "You look ten years younger!"

It's So Easy
(Tune, It's so Easy)

It's with Cesium I'm in love!
It's with Cesium I'm in love!

People say that I'm a fool,
When I take my Cesium into the pool.
And it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yes it's so easy,
Where my love's concerned,
To get myself burned.

But it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!

I look into her flame and see,
A sky-blue light floodin' over me.
Though it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yeah it's so easy,
When she's concerned,
To get myself burned.
Still it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!

---Songs of Cesium #87

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, man," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good timeand ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractiveyoung man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him overto his place.They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, andproceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quiteconcerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parkedcars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reachJohnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceedsto smash into parked cars as he's parking his.As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do youlike my feminine side?"

Cesium (All through the Night)
(Tune, Fever)

(1)
Never know how much I need you,
Never know how much I'd dare,
When I mix you up with water,
I get a heat that's hard to bear.

I need my Cesium!
Burnin' brightly,
Cesium to give me light.
Cesium --
In the morning,
Cesium all through the night.

(2)
Sun lights up the daytime.
Moon lights up the night.
Cesium lights up heaven above,
With a brilliant sky-blue light.

I need my Cesium!
Burnin' hotly.
Cesium shinin' so bright.
Cesium --
In the morning,
Cesium to make me feel right.

(Coda)
Everybody,
Needs some Cesium,
Cesium to give' em that glow.
Cesium --
Add some water,
Get a fire hot as down below!

(3)
Romeo, he had Cesium,
Cool water Juliette.
When they mixed it up together,
Things got as hot as they can get!

They needed more...

Cesium Glows
(Tune, Love's a Rose - Neil Young)

Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when it's on the tongue.
Lips full of holes, you'll know you've kissed it,
Just take a bite if you want to die young.

I want to see what's never been seen,
I want to dream that Cesium dream.
Come on love, we can glow together,
Let's eat it all right now.
Take a bite right now.

I want to lie in a hole in the ground,
Six feet deep, and twelve feet' round.
Sky blue light around me shinin',
Pale blue worms upon me dinin'.

Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when its on your tongue.
Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,
Gimme a spoon' cause I wanna die Young.

---Songs of Cesium #109

New scientific theories2nd RunnerUp- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawnto equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure changeoutside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, sothey must yawn to even it all out.