Sauce Jokes / Recent Jokes

FOODPORN: Pornography for dieters (?) by Frank LaRosa
Brought to you by Searchlight bbs 516-724-0971
Dear Editors,
I read your fine magazine eagerly each month, and one of my
favorite features is the letters you receive from your readers. I
always enjoy hearing about their exploits, but until now I never
thought anything like that could ever happen to me. However all that
changed last Friday night, when I had one of the most incredible
experiences of my life, and felt I just had to write and share it
with everyone.
It was about 10:30 PM and I was sitting in my dorm room going
over some boring math homework that I really didn't feel like doing.
Normally there is plenty to do on Friday nights at my college, but it
was the first day of spring break and the campus was practically
deserted. Since I couldn't afford to go to Florida with my buddies,
I was forced to spend the vacation on campus by myself. I was fully
expecting a more...

Last month I heard an item on the radio about a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, which costs a mere $23, 000. That got me to thinking about what Martha Stewart really gives for Christmas presents? So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen:
On the first day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
a baked partridge in some pear sauce.
On the second day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the third day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fourth of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
five cups of herbal tea,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum more...

A group of us went out last week drinking. After we'd gotten pretty smashed, we all decided to go for a curry. Feeling pretty drunk and stupid, the guys dared me that I couldn't down a pint of curry sauce. Being equally drunk and stupid, I took the bet. They brought me a full glass of curry sauce, and I knocked it back in one swig. I collapsed straight away, and for two weeks, I was in a korma.

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient, to which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

This guy walks into a bar and there is this jar with a lot of $10 bills in it. The guy asks why the jar is filled with $$$$$. and the bartenter says it is a game i am holding for the drunks. so the guy asks what the rules are. and the bartender says if u give me $10 i will tell u. so after the guy paid up. the bartender said the rules are, u have to drink a bottle of tabasco sauce with out making a face, go and pull the pit bulls loose tooth out back, and go give the granny upstairs an orgasim. and the guy says "screw that!" and walks off. about 20 minutes later he come back drunk and said ok i will play your game. so he drinks the tabasco sauce and dosent even blink. then he goes out back and you can hear the dog barking at him and then the guy screaming then the dog crying and screaming. so the guy comes back in and says where is the granny with the loose tooth.

Dear Hot Ramen, I have a problem. Every morning at 6am the workers come into my neighbor's apartment, which is right next door to mine and start pounding on the walls. They just pound and pound until noon, take an hour rest and then pound some more. I work at home and I'm not getting any work done. My boss is threatening to fire me. I want to kill them, but my neighbor is hot and I've been wanting to get into his pants since I moved in. What should I do? Signed,
Neighborly Love (not related to Courtney)
Dear Neighborly, Aiyah! First thing- Get earplugs quick! Then talk to your neighbor about your little disturbance, but be sure to wear your earplugs so that your neighbor needs to shout to be heard. Keep asking him to speak louder and finally you can suggest you go into your apartment where it is not so noisy. When he comes in quickly take out the earplugs and feed him some
of Hot Ramen's speeecial Ooh-la-la Ramen Romance Soup. This soup is from an ancient soup recipe more...

A kid walks into an ice cream store and when he steps up to the counter the owner asks him what he wants.
The kid just stares and looks around with a glazed expression on his face and doesn't say anything. Finally the owner realizing that this kid isn't all there decides to point to certain items. He points to the vanilla ice cream and asks the boy if he would like vanilla. The boy's body shakes, and then he nods his head and points to the vanilla.
"Okay," said the owner, "how about a cup for your ice cream?" as he points to the cups.
The boy shakes some more, nods and points at the cups.
So the owner goes on..."caramel sauce?"
The boy again shakes, nods, and points and the jar of caramel sauce.
"Some whipped cream?"
Again the boy shakes, nods and points to the whipped cream can.
"A red cherry on top?" as he points to the cherries in a container.
The boy shakes, nods, and points at the more...