Sauce Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
    house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
    non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
    I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
    and pear trees.

    So, I was wrong.

    Sue me.

    I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
    invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
    told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
    on Christmas Eve."

    "Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

    I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
    bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
    looking forward to meeting all of you."

    "Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

    And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
    What more...

    A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
    The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
    "Well," says the dentist, "That's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
    "Why chrome?" asks the patient.
    To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

    An elderly couple is getting ready for bed. She says Oh I am just so hungry for ice cream and there isn't any in the house." He says, " I'll go get some." She says, "Vanilla with chocolate sauce, with whipped cream on top and a cherry." She adds, "Please write it down, I know you'll forget." He says," I won't forget. Vanilla with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry."
    Away he goes. Hours later he comes back and hands her a paper bag. "In it is a "HAM SANDWICH". She says," I told you to write it down! You forgot the mustard."

    Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch.
    She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
    That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."

    You need to have a British sense of humor (ahem - that would be humour) to fully understand this. There is an explanation of some of the terms following the joke...
    Carlos the ice-cream man's van is parked at the side of the road. Lights flashing, music playing, a big queue of excited kids stretches down the street. But there's no sign of Carlos.
    A copper walking down the road wonders what is going on. "Where is Carlos?, Why is he not dishing out the ice-cream?"
    He goes over to the van and peers over the high counter.
    On the floor he spots Carlos. He's lying very still covered in chocolate sauce, strawberry sauce, nuts, hundreds and thousands and those little jelly bits.
    "Get back kids," he shouts.
    Moving away so the bemused kids cannot overhear him he gets on the radio to the police station.
    "Sarge, get someone down here quick," he stutters, "It's Carlos the ice-cream man... He's topped himself."
    Being English more...

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