Ruth Jokes / Recent Jokes
When Ruth's grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, "Oh no, oh no, now I can't be a doctor when I grow up."Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn't.Finally she asked, "Why can't you be a doctor?"Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, "Because now I will have to be a pirate!"
Brenda and Ruth were playing golf when a bird flew overhead.
Brenda said. "Look at that lovely swan."
Ruth replied, "It was a duck."
"It was a swan," said Brenda.
Just then a golf ball was hit in their direction.
"Duck!" shouted Ruth.
"Swan!" screamed Brenda.
"Ka-bonk!" went the golf ball.
The engagement.
Ruth and Golda were walking along Hendon High Street.
Ruth says, "My son Irving is getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but... he thinks she may have a disease called herpes.
Golda says, "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?"
Ruth replies, "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving`s engagement - it`s time he settled down. As far as the herpes goes...who knows?"
"Well," says Golda, "I have a very good medical dictionary at home. I`ll look it up and call you."
So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth. "Ruth, I found it. Not to worry. It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles."
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) Find a prostitute and marry her.
- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30) Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future more...
Ruth: Where did Walter go?
Julie: He's' round in front.
Ruth: I know what he looks like, I just wanted to know where he went.
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 21: 11-13)
Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1: 1-3)
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2: 16-21)
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4: 5-10)
Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21: 19-25)
Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2: 19-24)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marrige. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. (That's right: fourteen years of toil for a more...