Rolled Jokes / Recent Jokes

Poor Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.
Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Clem looked and said "Nope, ain't Clyde." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Zeke to identify the body and Zeke took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Zeke looked down and said "No, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician asked "How can you tell?" Zeke said, "Well, Clyde had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician. Zeke said, "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Here comes Clyde with them two assholes."

A Police car pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway.Glancing at the car he was astonished to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the cop rolled down his window and shouted "Pullover!". The blonde rolled down her window and yelled back "No, it's a scarf!".

Go Git Yo Mamma
A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life.
The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to more...

Especially hrony one night, Mark rolled over and nuzzled his wife.
"How about it, honey...?" he asked tenderly.
"Oh, Mark, I've got an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow," said his wife, going on to explain that the doctor had requested that she abstain from intercourse for twenty-four hours before an appointment.
Sam signed deeply and turned over to his side of the bed. A few minutes later he rolled back and asked hopefully, "You don't have a dentist appointment too, do you?"

Fog rolled in the day he was born, and a bit of it never rolled out.

Folds ace plus red jack hand when playing blackjack.

Foreign substances float in his cranial fluids.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

Found his marbles, but is playing jacks with them.

Four bits shy of a full DEC.

Four cents short of a nickel.

Full of wisdumb.

Full throttle, dry tank.

Fur coat and no knickers. (Scottish expression.)

Gasoline engine, diesel fuel.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

Gavel doesn't quite hit the bench.

Gears grind/don't always mesh.

Gets her mail at an unknown zip code.

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror. A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now."

All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled. more...

An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."