Ring Jokes / Recent Jokes

RING
RING
CLICK
Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.
(from my colleague Tony, who received it from a colleague, who...)

Ring, ring.
Hello, and welcome to the psychiatric helpline.
If you have compulsive obsessions, please press number one several times.
If you have problem with the self esteem, ask somebody to press number two for
you.
If you have multiple personalities, press numbers 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want, just keep the line
open until we have traced the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully; a small voice will let you know
which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. Nobody will
answer anyway.

okay there was a guy who was finger banging his girlfriend...
after he was done he asked her "how was it"
she was panting and said "its was awsome but nexttime can you take off your ring"
hellooked at her smiled and said "that wasnt my ring, that was my watch"

What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room service.

A man lost his ring and reported the matter to the police. While police started their usual enquiries, the man, traced his ring from his pants. He immediately reported to police.
"What the hell are you talking about. We have already caught fourteen criminals and six of them have already confessed the theft," replied the police inspector.

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at leastlike the Mercedez, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied; "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at leastlike the trip, and she would know that I love her." The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said; "Yah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. Ifigured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself."

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater."