Riley Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two friends are having a drink at a bar. One says to the other, "You know, I ran into George on the street yesterday. He looked terrible, all beat up."

"Really?" the friend said, "What happened to him?"

"That's what I said. I said, George, What happened to you? I thought you were living the life of Riley. And then George says to me,' I was, but he came home unexpectedly.'"

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. Im old and worn out. Youd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

Pat goes into the bar on a crutch, his arm in a sling and bandages all over his head.
The bartender says: "My God Pat, what the hell happened to you?"
Pat says: "I got in a brouhaha with Riley."
The bartender says: "But Riley's just a wee man and you're full grown. He must of had something in his hand."
Pat says: "That he did, a shovel."
The bartender says: "My God man, didn't you have anything in your hand?"
Pat says: "That I did. The breast of Mrs. Riley. Beautiful thing it was but not much use in a fight."

Kelly limps into his favorite pub... My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast." I got in a tiff with Riley", whispered Kelly to the beertender." Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised." He must have had something in his hand." "That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was." "Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?" "Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right tit." Kelly said." And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.
You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.
I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight, and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should say "Enough." Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully when Riley called out several times, "Enough!" As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering punishment, a bystander said, "Why don't you let him up? Don't you hear him say that he's had enough?" "I do," says Casey, "but he's such a liar, you can't believe him.

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"