Riley Jokes / Recent Jokes

When a blonde finally got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked, how to plug it in, set the timer, to back to bed, “…and upon rising the coffee is ready! ”
A few weeks later the blonde wife was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker. “Wonderful! ” she replied, “However, there’s one thing I don’t understand.
Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee? ”

Riley, Michael and Tyler were on a bus home from school. All of a sudden a fire-truck zoomed past them. They all saw the dalmation in the front of the truck sitting beside the driver. Michael said "Hey, don't they use those dogs to clear out the crowd at a scene of a fire?" Riley rudely interrupted saying "No stupid, the firemen use the dogs for good luck charms." Fed up with his friends, Tyler interjected saying, "How come you guy's are so dumb? The fireman who drives the truck uses the dalmation to spot out the fire hydrant closest to the fire!!!"

"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as
he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley."
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."
"Aye,.. that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord,... didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?"
"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful
thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

The new prisoner looked at his cellmate and saw a very old looking man who was a long time resident at the prison. Noticing the inquiring look in the new guy's eyes, the old timer said, "Just look at me. I'm old and worn out. It's hard to believe I used to live the life of Riley."
"I lived my winters on the Riviera," he continued, "had a yacht, sports cars, the most beautiful of women and always dined in the best restaurants in France."
"What happened?" asked the new guy.
"Everything was wonderful, until that darn Riley reported his credit cards missing!" the old man explained.

What part of the human body," asked the anatomy professor, "is harder than steel?" Nobody in the class volunteered the information, so he looked in the direction of a sweet coed and asked, "Can you tell me, Miss Riley?"
She blushed a deep scarlet and lowered her eyes, murmuring, "Oh, please don't ask me to answer that, professor!"
Crisply, he said, "The answer is the tissue of the nails. And you, Miss Riley," he added with a sigh, "are an optimist."

A battered looking Kelly hobbled into the bar on one crutch and a cast on his arm.
"My God, what happened to you?" asked the bartender.
"I got into a tiff with Riley," Kelly replied.
"Riley?" He's just a wee fellow," the surprised barkeep said. "He must have had something in his hand."
"Aye, that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was!"
"Dear Lord," exclaimed the bartender. "Did you not have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did... Mrs. Riley's right boob," Kelly explained. "A beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

Kelly limps into his favorite pub...

My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley", whispered Kelly to the beertender.

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right tit." Kelly said.
"And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"