Regular Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order, "... and to drink?" she asked. The man said he would like coffee.
The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table. "Oh my god, I am so sorry!"
"That's OK," the man said sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin. "But tell me, is this regular or decaf?"
"Regular," she replied.
"Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night!"

A man walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks' What's up?'

The man proceeds to explain he's taking a vacation to Rome.

'ROME?!' Joe says,' Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?'

'We're taking TWA,' the man replies.

'TWA?!' yells Joe.' They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where you staying in Rome?'

The man says' We'll be at the downtown International Marriot.'

'That DUMP?!' says Joe.' That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they're overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?'

The man says' We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.'

'HA! That's rich!' laughs Joe.' You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll more...

The “Buffolo Theory” of Beer..
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that’s why beer is so GOOD for you!

The Evolution of Mom Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first: Your Clothes - 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. The Baby's Name - 1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites. 2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect! Preparing for the Birth - 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. The Layette more...

A man entered a restaurant and sat down. A few minutes later, a waitress came over to take his order.
"... and, what would you like to drink?" she asked. The man ordered a cup of coffee.
As she promptly returned with a cup of coffee, the waitress stumbled and spilled the coffee on the man's lap. "Oh, sir, I am so sorry," apologized the waitress.
"That's all right," the man replied, wiping up the coffee with his napkin. "But, tell me, is this regular or decaf?"
"Regular," the waitress replied.
"Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night!" grumbled the man.

This goes a long way towards explaining a lot of things: A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted,
it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing
of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain
cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

SUBJECT: Soap Saga
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a
London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel
involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank
you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap
dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your
way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should
change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which more...