Reason Jokes / Recent Jokes

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

1.Each time the lines on the road were repainted, you would have to buy a new car.
2.Occasionally, your car would die on the highway for no reason. You would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Your car would crash at least twice a day, for no reason whatsoever.
4. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, you could just borrow a friend's and copy it.
5. The air bag system would say, "Are You Sure?" before going off.
6. A single "General Car Default" warning light would replace oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights.
7. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". Of course, then you would have to buy more seats.
8. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but it would only work on five percent of the roads.
9. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to more...

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life.7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up more...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine: 1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6. 0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. 3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 6. Its best for employers that I not work with people. 7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments. 13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. 14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 15. I have become completely more...

A distressed husband to his wife, Dear, why you are prefer divorce from you, I have'nt did any thing to you...

Yes I want divorce from you for the very same reason my dear, the wife replied.

A Synopsis of the Microsoft Car At a recent computer expo (Comdex), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25. 00 cars that get 100 miles to the gallon." Recently, General Motors addresses this comment by releasing this statement, "yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" Below is a synopsis of the Microsoft Car: Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail, and you would have to re-install the engine. for some strange reason, you would accept this too. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to more...