"These are taken from real resumes " joke
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine: 1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6. 0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. 3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 6. Its best for employers that I not work with people. 7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments. 13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. 14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. 16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. 17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. 18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments. 19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. 20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. 21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job. 22. Marital status: often. Children: various. 23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8: 45 a. m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions. 24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. 25. Finished eighth in my class of ten. 26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
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