React Jokes

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS


> > Element: Woman
> > Symbol: Wo
> > Discoverer: Adam
> >
> > Quantitative analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging
from

> > 25-10-20 through 60-55-60 have been identified.
> >
> > Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive,
> > energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
> >
> > Physical properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at
> > absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice. Totally
> > unpredicatble. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well
used.
> > Found in many states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
> > Non-magnetic, but attracted coins and sports cars. In its natural
state > > the specimen varies considerably, but is often changed
artificially so > > well that the change is indiscernable except to the
experienced eye.
> >
> > more...

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as' just a sprain' and deep wounds as' just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill' with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

I heard this one today from Steinar Hoistad, Director of European
Operations UNIX International, at the UI Road show.
A colleague was invited to hold a speech in Japan.
Aware of his reputation as a very good speaker, he was surprised that
his audience did not react at all to any of his perfectly timed jokes
and witticisms. In fact, the audience did not react to anything he
said. Somewhat put down, he went back to his seat and a Japanese
gentleman appeared on the stage. This man had a terrific success!
People laughed and applauded, and although the original speaker could not
understand one bit of what was said. Still he started to applaud, as
the man evidently deserved praise for this perfect speech.
However, he was interrupted by the chairman of the conference:
"No no, sir. You must not applaud!"
Dumbfounded he protested:
"But why? This man is obviously a very good speaker."
"No sir, you must not more...

Q: How did the French react to German reunification? A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

Element: Man
Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some
isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day
when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo,
often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties
Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.
Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
Sense,
melts if treated like a God.
Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with
Wo.
Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
to
extremely thick.
Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
When more...