Raising Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.

2. Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing Jello to a tree.

3. Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

4. Your life's "Golden Age" is the period in your life when your kids are to old to require a babysitter and too young to take the car.

5. Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about the same as steering your car using the horn...same results.

6. To be in your children's memories tomorrow one must be in their life today.

7. The best advice regarding raising your children is to really enjoy them while they are still on your side.

8. A home's temperature is best maintained by warm hearts, not cold words or hot heads.

9. "The Joy of Motherhood": What a woman experiences after she puts the last tyke to bed.

10. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so that more...

A Sardar walked into a household appliances store. The owner was busy tallying his accounts and his eyes were glued to his ledgers. The Sardar asked the owner "I want that VCR." Without taking the eyes off the ledgers, the owner replied, "No, Sardar, that is not for you."
Our Sardar felt insulted. He thought that the shopkeeper was biased against Sardars. Next day, he arrived at the shop clean shaven and without his headgear. He asked for the same VCR. The owner, who was again busy tallying his accounts replied without raising his head, "No, Sardar, that is not for you."
The Sardar was perplexed. How could the shopkeeper guess correctly that he was a Sardar? So, the next day, the Sardar went to the same shop disguised as a woman, in churidar and pyjama, head covered with dupatta, and asked for the same VCR. The shopkeeper again replied without raising his head - "No, Sardar, that is not for you!"
Puzzled, the Sardar asked the more...

I hear some rich guy wants to build a tavern at the top of Mount Everest. Talk about raising the bar high!

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!
Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car and you get about the same results.
To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side.
Avenge yourself: Live long enough to be a problem to your children.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere is to let the air out of the tires.
The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot heads.
Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers and board newlyweds.
The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family more...

I understand Clinton is gonna try a new tactic with fund raising in an effort to comply with the law. You know how we have all these events for charity - walk for this or run for that, etc.
Well, they're planning on holding a 10 K run, but for campaign funds. Already a lot of the biggest contributors want to know if their butlers may run for them.