Race Jokes / Recent Jokes

13> “None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth. ”
12> “Tampax! Get your Tampax here! ”
11> “Hey, shut up! I can’t hear the race! ”
10> “Sex with your sister!? Man, that’s sick. ”
9> “My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot! ”
8> “Hey, you with the large breasts - out of the way! We’re trying to watch a race here! ”
7> “Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attaché case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone. ”
6> “What a coincidence, Hank - all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too! ”
5> “These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert! ”
4> “Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at ‘Depends’ understand you’re looking for a new corporate sponsor…”
3> “Whew! No more beer for me, fellas…”
2> “Filling in for Dale ‘The Intimidator’ Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael ‘Lord of the more...

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels.
On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged.
Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized.
The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new more...

The Americans and the Russians had a car race, in which the car from America won.
However, the report in the newspapers of Russia, read as follows –
"In a recent motor race, the Russian car finished in second place, while the American car finished next to last."
(There were only two cars involved!)

There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap. They were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here's how the conversation went: Police Officer #1: "What's your name?" Shutup: "Shutup." Police Officer #2: "Where's your manners?" Shutup: Back there picking up Crap!"

The horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Clean Sheets
3. Bare Belly
4. Thighs
5. Silk Panties
6. Big Johnson
7. Conscience
8. Heavy Bosom
9. Jockey Shorts
10. Merry Cherry
At the post: Aaaaaand they're off !!! Conscience is left behind at
the post. Jockey Shorts and Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is
being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big
Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the halfway mark: It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and
Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against
Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At the stretch: Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is
making the final drive. Passionate Lady is coming.
At the finish: It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got !!!...and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson more...

Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!" The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!" The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop." The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm even going more...

The horses in the race...
Passionate Lady
Clean Sheets
Bare Belly
Thighs
Silk Panties
Big Johnson
Conscience
Heavy Bosom
Jockey Shorts
Merry Cherry
At the Post...
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark...
It's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At the Stretch...
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At the Finish...
It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It more...