Puppies Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a father and son were walking down the street and they see two dogs have sex. The son asks his father" Dad what are they doing?" The father answers " Making puppies."
One day the boy walks into his parents room while they are making love. The son asks " Dad, what are you doing?" The father answers, "Making babies" The son yells, " No, roll her over I weant puppies."

1.Puppies won't ask you if it's the best puppy you've ever had. 2.A puppy always comes to you when you call it. 3.If you show affection for a puppy, it returns it with no strings attached. 4.All you need to do for a puppy to love you forever is feed it and not beat it with heavy blunt objects. 5.Puppies love you unconditionally. 6.It's OK if your PUPPY gets fleas from another puppy. 7.You can put a puppy on a leash and snap it back if it tries to sniff other puppies. 8.Your puppy will never leave you for your roommate, best friend, or someone with bigger breasts/more money/better looks/a better body/etc. 9.Puppies urinating in the front lawn is normal. 10.Puppies don't "bite the hand that feeds them". 11.Puppies are easier to train to do simple tasks. 12.A puppy never conspires with other puppies to play with your mind.13.Puppies never leave en masse to check out puppies in the other room. 14.A puppy won't give you a lot of backtalk for no apparent reason. 15.You can train more...

Q. What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Alabama fans?
A. The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.

Q. Do you know the difference between an Auburn fan getting run over by a car and an Alabama fan?
A. There are skid marks in front of the Bama fan!! Q. What`s a seven course meal at Auburn?
A. A possum and a six-pack.

Q. Do you know why Terry Bowden was fired?
A. He was too short to step down. Q. What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?
A. Please open other end.

This year`s Auburn team is so sorry they have to buy a house just to get a yard.
Q. How do you keep an Auburn football player out of your yard?
A. Put a goal post in it.

Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a roomfull to sit around and talk about how the BEAR would have done it.

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. Dubya asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box.
The little boy said, "Republicans."
The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Thatta boy!"
A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow. Bush stopped at the boy's house, winked at Dick and said, "Hey kid, what kind of pupies are in the box?"
The boy said, "Democracts"
Bush looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans!"
The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes."

These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world. LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY. GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb. OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREE COFFEE + DONUTS FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART DOG FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME.

These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART DOG
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME.

President Clinton was on his usuall jog for the day when he saw a little boy who had several puppies with him. The President asked him what their names where, the little boy said their names are DEMOCRATICS. The Pres. said oh what great namews for the puppies.
So the next day president Clinton went jogging with his duaghter Chelse so that she could see the puppies and when they came up to the little boy, the president told him to tell Chelse the puppies names; and the little boy replied thier names are REPUBLICANS.
Then the president said "you told me yesterday that thier were DEMOCRATICS", and the little said yeah that was yesterday when their eyers were closed, but today theire opened.