Proper Jokes / Recent Jokes

In related news, friends and family of Larry King wonder when he will be getting his proper funeral.

GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language. The historic vote on Geekonics -- a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" -- came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language." This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics." No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with more...

One of our favorite bartenders told us about a very proper Englishman who came into his place a couple of weeks ago. The fellow sat down at the bar, but didn't order. The bartender, an unusually friendly guy, asked him if he couldn't fix him a drink, on the house.
The Englishman shook his head. "Tried liquor once," he said. "Didn't like it."
The bartender then offered the Englishman a cigarette.
"No thank you," he said. "Tried tobacco once. Didn't like it."
Still trying to be friendly, the bartender asked the Englishman if he would like to join a couple of friends seated at the bar in a few hands of poker.
The Englishman shook his head. "Tried gambling once. Didn't like it. I wouldn't be sitting in this place at all, but I promised my son I would meet him here."
"I see," said the bartender. "Your only child, I assume."

What is the proper weight for a lawyer? About 3 pounds,. ......not counting the urn!

The Importance of Proper Punctuation


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Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are
generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you
admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for
other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever
when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me
be yours? Gloria
----------------------------------------------------------
Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are
generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you.
Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me.
For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings
whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will
you let me be? Yours, Gloria
----------------------------------------------------------

Dad, can I ask you something?
Sure! What about?

You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one.
And what is this' one' you're referring to?
Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?
No!
My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.
Nope!
It will be just proper at my age...
I said no way...!
But all of my friends wear...
Timmy! How many times shall I tell you that bras are for girls!?

There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor. After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help." Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem." "A gas problem?" replied the doctor." Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh... silent gas emissions. Last night, I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had (blush) four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?" more...