Preacher Jokes / Recent Jokes

The angry preacher...
The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!"
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!"
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.
"Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

The angry preacher...The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!"No one moved.The preacher continued, " Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!"Again all was quiet.Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke."Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan.I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

A minister wound up the services one morning by saying,' 'Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark''.
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said,' 'Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.''
Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.
Then said the preacher,' 'You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.''

Ever since Lutherans stopped discriminating against gays in the church, things are a little different.
Recently, the Lutheran church service was under way and they pasted the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stop the service and asked whom ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate to "please stand up".
A gay man stood up and announced that the donation was his. The preacher told him, "Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns." Excitedly, the gay guy looked around and started pointing, saying, "I'll take him, him, and him."

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was no where in site, and the workmen were eating lunch.

The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Maybe we'd better tell him it's a septic tank."

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.

The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

One Sunday afternoon a drunk stumbled upon a baptismal service taking place down at the river. Proceeding into the water, he stood beside the preacher. Turning to him, the preacher asked, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" "Yes, preacher, I sure am," the drunk replied.
The preacher then dunked him under the water and pulled him back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nope, I didn't," replied the drunk.
The preacher dunked him under for a bit longer, brought him up and again asked, "Brother, now have you found Jesus?" "No, I did not," sputtered the drunk.
Now disgusted, the preacher again dunked him under, this time holding him there for at least 30 seconds. He pulled him up out of the water once again and said in a harsh voice, "Have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wiped the water from his face and said to the preacher, "Are you quite sure this is where he fell in?"