Praying Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration tells him, "Use the words' chicken not bread' in a sentence." The Filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells, "Chee kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!" (accent on "she cannot breathe")


An arctic explorer^
An arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, "It's a miracle!" The polar bear opened one eye and said "Don't talk while I'm saying grace."

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was extremely scared. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was more...

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church. Please don't let me be late to church...." And, as she was running she tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again, Please, God don't let me be late to church - but don't shove me either!

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please son't let me be late to church. Please don't let me be late to church...." And, as she was running she tripped and fell. When she got back up she began praying again, "Please, God don't let me be late to church - but don't shove me either!

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.
As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.
Please don't let me be late to church...."
As she was running she tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again...
"Please, God don't let me be late to church - but don't shove me either!
One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.
The boy asked hid Dad, ''What are these Pop?''
''They're smart pills son,'' said his father.
''Eat them and they'll make you smarter."
So he ate them and said, ''Yuck...these taste like poop!''
''See,'' said his father, ''you're already getting smarter!''

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.Please don't let me be late to church...."As she was running she tripped and fell.When she got back up she began praying again..."Please, God don't let me be late to church - but don't shove me either!
One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.The boy asked hid Dad, ''What are these Pop?''''They're smart pills son,'' said his father.''Eat them and they'll make you smarter."So he ate them and said, ''Yuck...these taste like poop!''''See,'' said his father, ''you're already getting smarter!''

One Sunday morning a little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Sunday school.
As she ran, she kept praying, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Please don't let me be late!"
While running and praying, she tripped and fell, tearing her dress and scuffing her shoes.
She quickly got up, brushed herself off, and started running and praying again, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late... but don't shove me either!"