Pound Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"

1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. 2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. 3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late. 4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes. 7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep. 8. Some things will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old that you'd imagine would remain in him or her. 9. Super glue is forever. 10. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. 11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on more...

1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
8. Some things will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old that you'd imagine would remain in him or her.
9. Super glue is forever.
10. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a more...

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN
By a Weary Father
(thanks craigs)

- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

- A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape.

- It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room.

- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.

- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a more...

A woman in a supermarket sees a deal offering 5 boxes of tampax for
1 pound. She can't believe how good the deal is and asks the manager
"is this deal correct?"
"yes madam, 5 boxes for a pound, no strings attached"

There was a blonde, a burnette, and a redhead.They all entered a hunting contest.The winner won $500.So the redhead went out found some tracks followed the tracks came back with a 250 pound bear.Then the burnette went out found some tracks followed the tracks came back with a 275 pound bear.The blonde had to beat 275 so she went out and found some tracks and followed the tracks came back with a broken leg and arm and no teeth.The judge asked "what happened" the blonde said "I found some tracks followed the tracks and got hit by a train."

"I caught a twenty pound salmon last week." "Were there any witnesses?""There sure were. If there hadnt been, it would have been forty pounds."