Pondered Jokes

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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
Why did God invent relativity?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Well, it all started on March 12, 1867. Me and Lucifer and God and
Death and a couple of other guys got really hammered, see, and we were
shooting dice together, and Luci was really cleaning up. (I still think
the dice were fixed, but I don't know for sure.) Anyway, God got low on
cash, and Luci got this idea that he'd stake him, but if God lost, he'd
have to let Luci rewrite some laws of physics. Naturally, God didn't
like the idea, but Luci suggested that me and Thanatos could help, and
eventually agreed to the idea (did I mention we were all extremely
plastered?). Anyway, God lost, and me and Luci and more...

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen.
So he asked, "God, are you listening?" And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here."
The man stopped and pondered some more.
He looked towards the sky and said, "God, what is a million years to you?"
God replied, "Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you."
So the man continued to walk and to ponder... walk and ponder...Then he looked to the sky again and said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God replied, "My son, my son...a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little."
The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, "God, can I have a million more...