Policeman Jokes / Recent Jokes

This was told to me about three years ago by a friend who claims he works with
the father of the "hero" of the story:
During Christmas break from college, the kid wanted to borrow his father's car
to drive to a New Year's Eve party at his fraternity house. He lived in
Massachusetts and the fraternity house was in Vermont. The father needed the
car New Year's Day, and was concerned about the son hitting one of the
roadblocks that police set up all over the place on New Year's Eve. The
agreement that was reached was that the son would be allowed to use the car,
but he would not drink at all. That was, of course, a big mistake on the part
of the father, especially since the kid wasn't 21.
So he drove to Vermont, got completely trashed, and attempted to drive home.
Just before he reached Massachusetts he hit a roadblock. There were a few
other cars stopped already, so he was told to get out of the car and stand in
a line of more...

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house and grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.

"Oh, Morris," said grandma, "you've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?"

Leaning close to grandma so that the policeman couldn't hear, Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost; I was just too tired to walk home."

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."

"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."

A few moments later a second man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."

"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."

A few moments later a third man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your more...

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The policeman said, "What's he like?"Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

Visiting Washington, DC for the first time, the blond stopped to ask a policeman directions to the Capitol building. "Just wait here for the number 48 bus. That will take you right there," he replied.
Returning to the same area a few hours later, the policeman noticed the blonde was still waiting at the same bus stop. He approached her and said, "Excuse me miss, but I told you to get to the Capitol building take the number 48 bus. That was hours ago. Why are you still here waiting?"
"Oh I don't think it will be long now Officer. The 42nd bus just went by," she replied.

One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at "makeout point." Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
"Excuse me, son" said the cop, "but how old are the two of you?"
"I'm eighteen, sir, and" (checking his watch another time) "in ten more minutes, she'll be eighteen too!"

A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.
As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, 'my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing.
''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman?
The lawyer, stunned, began to scream,
"My rolex, my brand new rolex!"