Player Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why did they throw the tall basketball player out of the nudist colony?
A: He kept sticking his business in other people's noses!
While playing golf oneday, a young couple hit their golf balls up into the air only to smash two windows in a house near the course. Terribly upset, the couple went to the house to meet the owner and apologize for the incident. Before they even got to the door, a shiek opened the door and welcomed them in surprise.
The couple was stunned to hear that the shiek was infact a ginnie they had freed from his 1000 years of imprisonment in the house. In return for giving him his freedom, the gennie told the couple that they could have anything they wanted.
The couple was really happy and the man asked the gennie to make him the best golf player in the world. With a swift gesture of his hands, the gennie made the man the best golf player in the world. Then the woman asked the gennie to make her a billionaire.
Noticing the young woman's flawless beauty, the gennie asked the couple a favour... He explained how he lived for 1000 years in the house without being able to love a more...
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season..."I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on more...
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996) Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Clemson recruit Ray more...
I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the sales clerk over and asked, "What does' hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal.""In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs.""Exactly."
A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"
It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west. The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?" Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you." The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?" The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his more...